Well, since my last post I have gone through a slight bout with depression. I got upset that I haven't been motivated to do anything. I started singing the veggie Tales song "The Pirates who don't do Anything". That made me feel a little better. I also went for a walk with Josh. That was also fun. He even made me jog for a little while. I am hurting a little today, but overall I feel better. Tonight I am going to a friends house for pizza and a movie. I hope I can control my eating habits there. Depending on what time we get done, I may also hit the gym for a little jog on the treadmill. I'll check back in tomorrow and see how it is going. Byes!

Talk does not cook rice!

This last week I used this quote in my classroom. It had the students think of what it means to them. To me it means that things do not get done by just thinking/talking about them. This is exactly what I am doing with my weight loss. I am all talk and no action. That is probably why my weight hasn't changed since the beginning of the year. I haven't counted my calories. I haven't eaten well. I haven't exercised as much/often as I need. I am all talk and no cooking as the saying goes. I have all the knowledge to lose weight. I have the support from friends and family. I just can't get myself motivated or kicked in the butt get moving. I know I will have a lifetime of health problems if I don't get this under control now. I have everything I need. I have a gym membership; I have equipment for at home gym. I have many workout DVD's. I just don't seem to have the motivation to get off my butt and use all the resources I have.

This weekend I have also been thinking how this affects me as a teacher. How I am to expect my students to use their resources and abilities to learn when I can't use everything I have to lose weight. I have more than most people who have lost a great amount of weight, yet I am still not able to commit to myself. If anyone has any suggestions on how to get and keep my motivation going I am open to anything. I have done visuals, a reward system, a punishment system. I think I have tried every behavior management technique I would use in the classroom and yet I still not able to change my behavior.

I have this great plan to spend most of my summer in the gym. Hoping to lose the weight like the contestants on Biggest Loser, but I know I will not. Something will come up, I will decide not to go one day and it will just spiral downward and I will get no where.

When I think back to my childhood on what motivated me to accomplish my goals as a child, it was always the want to make my parents proud. Or for my parents attention. I have a sister and brother with special needs and they always took time and attention. I was always the perfect one who never got in trouble, always did what was expected. Now that I am married and on my own, my parents love and attention isn't as important as it was when I was younger. I get the attention I craved as a child from my husband. (not that I am complaining) .

I just don't seem to know what I need to do to kick start and continue my road to losing weight. I always seem to get motivated one day from some trigger (watching BL, listening to a Jillian podcast, seeing my friend Tracy- who is such a motivation to me, hearing a certain song). But then the next day I am back to making excuses to myself and everyone else. And then I am back on my cycle of not doing anything for a while, then getting motivated for a day or week, then back to excuses. I sometimes wish I could go on Biggest Loser so I would have something/someone counting on me to lose weight. I have tried challenges on Spark people and by about the 3rd or 4th week, I am done and checked out.

Ok, I think I am going to go try a Jillian DVD or hit the gym. I'll be back later tonight and tell you how it goes.

A breakthrough

The other night I had a break through in my life. In college and after college I have had trouble with my money. Mainly because I had a a good job a the start of college with no bills then went to bigger bills and less money. Anyways, back to my breakthrough. This month I am a little low on money. I went with a friend to Wal-mart to register for her baby registry. Afterwards, I was on my way back to Wal-mart to buy her present and a thing for myself even though I knew I had no money in my checking account. On the way there I realized I was falling back into my old habits of spending money I didn't have. Then I related that thought to my weight loss. I was falling back into my old habits of not working out and eating what ever is in sight. That night I went to the gym for an hour. A whole hour!!!! Even though it is getting later tonight, I am still considering going up to the gym before I go to bed. Or I will hit the gym tomorrow between family dinners. I am going to need it with all the food that people are planning to serve.