Mixed feelings

So last week, I didn't post my weigh in because I had been battling poison ivy. I am still battling it, plus it is that time of the quarter for me. How great do I feel? LOL. Anyways, I went back to the doctor today because I started breaking out with a new rash. Lucky me, huh? She put me on another round of steroids. Here I go again, bulking up. Last week the steroids (or at least that's what I am blaming it on) made me gain 2 pounds. But today at the doctor I was back at 207. So I am not sure what is going on. I lost weight the week before my period? What the hell? Now that I am going back on steroids I will need to watch my weight for the next 2 weeks. Anyways, I am going to continue to eat less, add vegetables and fruits when I can and exercise more. Now that I will hopefully not be itching all the flipping time.

Yesterday, I was having a very hard time with my weight and my depression. I was at a wedding and everything was fine, but then I started thinking about my wedding and all the things that went wrong. I just wanted to start bawling and not stop. This whole weekend has been hard. I got mad at Josh Friday night, over something pretty small. Then I got pulled over for running a stop sign and was mad at myself. I got really depressed about my weigh yesterday. I think I need to go back on my my anti-depressants. I know it is that time of the month but I have been pretty emotional since I came off the meds. I need to call my doctor tomorrow to see if I can go back on them or something else.

We'll see how everything goes. I am trying so hard to get myself well, so I can be my best for Josh. We shouldn't be having this many problems 2 months into our marriage. I know it is because of my depression, and some of his depression. He just won't get the treatment he needs. All I can fix is me. You can't make anyone do anything. You can just keep suggesting help and being there for them.