I was watching biggest loser tonight and in the show they bring in Jillian's mom. She is a therapist of some sort and people started talking about when the weight problems started and everything. Saturday I was at my parents and was looking though all my school pictures. I noticed that between my 6th and 7th grade photos is when I hit puberty and started putting on weight. I remember always having a problem with my boobs and how big they are. I also know that I have a serious problem with attention from males or I guess it is more unwanted attention from males that I am afraid of. I am now thinking that maybe I started to gain weight when I hit puberty and just didn't stop or try to stop it because I wanted something to cover my boobs or at least hide them from being noticed. We were also at a party on Saturday and someone noticed that my sister was "so developed". I wanted to scream "mine are bigger". When realistically they are, but one wouldn't be able to tell because of all the extra weight I have hiding them. They just blend in. Maybe this is why I am so self-sabataging of my weight loss and goals. I seem to be ok for a few weeks then fall off the wagon and only to start over again a few weeks later. Maybe the comments my sister gets (these weren't the first one about her big boobs) make me so afraid to lose weight and show off my body because I am afraid of the comments I will get.
I also am nervously awaiting my test results for my thyroid. I had my levels tested on Thursday and am waiting to see if I have hypothyroidism and maybe that is why I haven't lost the weight I think I should have. I have been really trying to lose weight since Oct. and have only lost 10 lbs. I know it is a slow process but it shouldn't be this slow. I have officially not lost any weight since the first of the year. I was down 3 lbs but am now back up those 3 lbs. Anyways, back to the show...will comment more later if something else strikes me.
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