Interesting Quote...

Those who do not find time for exercise will have to find time for illness."
- Earl of Derby

I recently signed up for a website called stickk.com. What it is is a site that allows you to commit to what ever your goal is and then you designate a referee (someone to check your progress), and a recipient of the money you commit to your goal. Mine is $20 a week for 10 weeks if I do not exercise at least 3 times a week. Josh is my referee and my recipient. I could have picked anyone for the recipient, even a charity or an anti-charity (a group that supports something I despise). On the exercise site I found this quote and found it very fitting. It is so true. So if you would like to be a supporter of me on my commitment or even make your own commitment, I recommend you check out this site!

http://www.stickk.com

Cleaning out my Closet...

Well, I finally did it. I cleaned out my dresser drawers of all the clothes that do not fit me a this second. This doesn't mean I kept clothes that are one size smaller "in case" I lose weight. They are all gone. Ok, they haven't been evicted just yet, but the are boxed up and I have a home for them to go to in a few weeks. My mom has recently lost a substantial amount of weight and is weighs less and is a smaller size than I am. (Yeah, I am a bit depressed, but I am working on being healthy and that is all that matters.) So she is going to take all my pants and what not that don't fit me because they should fit her. She was wearing a pair of my shorts (that I must have left when I moved out) today. Next up, to clean out my closet. There really isn't much in there left to clean out so it should be too hard.

Long Time Coming...New look on Life!

OK, so this is my last blog about weight loss. Why you ask? Because I have decided to just accept that I am fat and that is my life. Yeah, I know it sounds bad that I am saying this but really it is not. Why? Because since I have made this decision, it has boosted my self esteem and my sex drive. Just by forgetting that I am trying to diet and lose weight all the time, I have helped myself so much!! I have decided that I had become so concerned with losing weight, letting people down for not losing weight and just the number on the scale that I forgot to live and enjoy life as it is right now. Now I am not just going to gorge myself on junk food and sit on the couch all day. My new goals are to watch what I eat and consciously think about what I eat, also to exercise for 30 minutes at least 3 days a week. Or even 5 days a week when possible. I really don't think these are unreasonable expectations of myself. If I am treating myself well such as through my food and exercise and am still overweight, then I will have to just accept that it is just in my genes to be fat.

What has brought about this mentality change you ask, it all started with me finally finding the right size bra for me. I discovered that I was 38DDD. Yeah, I said it DDD. I figured this out at Fashion Bug in Mason City. After that I went to Lane Bryant to get more bras that fit me. (It's amazing how a good fitting bra can change one's whole out look on life.) At Lane Bryant, they gave me a free figure magazine. I took it home and read the whole thing. It was great to read and look through a magazine that wasn't full of hot, sexy, skinny people. It was full of hot, sexy, fat women. All who looked gorgeous. That got me thinking about how sexy I could be if I just stopped thinking about how fat I was and how much I have to lose, and started thinking about how I can live healthy and not worry about my weight. I also found a great thing from one of the articles or maybe it was on the magazines website - If you haven't checked it out yet, I would recommend checking out fatrant.com or looking up Fat Rant on YouTube. It is a great video. It is all about "fat acceptance" and accepting yourself for who you are. So instead of beating myself up for not losing weight, for not exercising, or for eating what ever crap I choose to eat. I am just going to celebrate life and live it right now. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone and there is no reason I should continue to worry about my weight. I am going to work more on being healthy and loving myself, rather than my Biggest Loser style weight loss that I have been planning forever and not doing.

Diet History

Take a look at your dieting “history,” outlining the crazy crash diets you have embarked on over the years. How did those diets make you feel? How did you feel once you regained the weight?

My dieting history is a relatively short one, since I never really tried to do much about my weight before I met Josh. Sure, I have never been really thin by any means, but I never really did much about it (other than the occasional time of feeling sorry for myself because I was fat.) Before I started dating Josh I was working almost full-time at a group home in Cedar Falls. At the group home we had to eat with the clients and other staff. I started feeling self conscious about my weight and how much I was eating there. We only served balanced mostly healthy meals at the group home, so all I did was work a lot and only eat the meals prepared at work. I didn’t keep too many snacks at my place, so there wasn’t much for me to snack on when I was home. I also started to care about how much I was eating when I was at work. I didn’t want to look like a pig, so I only took one serving. This worked for me. I didn’t really think of myself as dieting, I was just not eating that much at work. One would think I would have wanted to stop by McDonald’s on my way back across town since I wasn’t eating as much, but I didn’t. I wasn’t hungry. I had actually started to lose weight. I don’t know how much I actually lost during this time period because I wasn’t concentrating on it so I didn’t weigh myself regularly.

Then I started dating Josh. Now I am not blaming him for my weight gain at all. Do not get me wrong. It was just that we would eat out every meal. Not really sure why we did because we each had our own kitchen and could cook. It just seemed easier to eat out than to cook at our houses. I also stopped working less, so I could spend more time with him. By working less I was eating on my own more, which led to me to eat out more. Working less also meant not doing the heavy lifting my body was used to doing. Then when I came back on the weekends, instead of cooking at Josh’s house we would go out to eat or out drinking with friends.

When we started discussing getting married, I thought I wouldn’t like my wedding pictures if I was fat, so I needed to do something about it. I started this crazy quest to learn everything I could about losing weight. I also joined the Y in an effort to lose weight. However, if you have seen my wedding pictures (which I really like) I did not lose any of the weight. I did however remain constant with my weight for the most part. That was something new. At times I lost up to 12 lbs, but I put it back on in no time flat. For once it wasn’t just going up. After the wedding that all changed however. The sad part is I really don’t know why it did. Maybe it is because we were eating out because I started making more money at my new job. Maybe I was comfortable with the fact that I had my man and I didn’t need to be attractive anymore. I really don’t know why I have gained weight since my wedding.

I have a new plan starting as soon as school gets out. I am hoping to so a biggest loser type thing with exercising 4-5 hours a day, since I don't have anything better to do over the summer. I hope to finally get the weight off and keep it off. This is my diet history as of now. Hopefully through some reflection and thinking I will be able to get the results I am looking for soon.

Beginning a reflective process

I recently have decided to start my new work out plan when school gets out. However since I made that decision, I have started to to sabotage my weight loss efforts to date. I have eating like crap, not exercised and just been bad to myself. It has also got me thinking "why should I wait until June to start my healthier lifestyle" or "what am I going to do when school starts back up?" Another thing I decided to try to do some strong reflection before I start my new plan, in a hopes that maybe by reflecting and getting things straightened out in my head it will help me better prepare for my new life as a thinner, healthier person. My next posts will be reflections to questions brought up in the book "Coach Approach" that I borrowed from Tracy. I am hoping my thinking and writing about these topics will help me to finally be successful in my journey of weight loss.

My Wonderful Students

I do have success story from today. Back at the beginning of April I told my resource students they could bug me about my weight loss, since I bug them almost everyday about their grades. Well, in a fleeting moment a few other students came in and offered me a piece of cake. I said yes. When I sat down to eat and and help one of my resource kids- as soon as I took a bite- said "That's not good for your diet!" And started picking on me about it. So I stopped eating it. A little later he asked for a bite. So I said sure (after removing the part I had bitten from.) This prevented me from eating anymore of it. I was so proud of my student for stopping me. Sure, would have been better if I had stopped myself, but to know that I have the support of my students is so great.

Beatings! Well I just finished 3 of my 5 circuits for today. I thought I was going to die so I am taking a small break and hope to continue it in a few minutes. I am glowing like a pig right now, but it feels good. I figured I am paying for the damn workouts from Jillian I may as well start using them. We'll see how they go from here on out. I am trying not to wear my muscles out too much, since I have March for Babies on Sunday. That's 8.5 miles. Maybe I will even jog a little bit of it. We'll see. I know I will be very sore on Sunday afternoon so I changed my workout schedule this week. Instead of Friday being a cardio day and Sunday being a strength day I switched the two around. Because I know I will be very sore and worn out on Sunday after March. Anyways, I think I have cooled down a bit. Better go warm back up and finish this damn workout.

Reflection

Ok, I can guarantee this is going to be very long. Mainly because I have already written it out and just need to type it up now. So on with the reflection about my life and my plea for help.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I lose weight and get it under control? I have everything a person needs to lose weight. I just can't seem to do it. The first thing people trying to lose weight need is knowledge. They need to know what to do before they start. I have the knowledge. I have read numerous books, articles, and websites about losing weight and changing my life. I am a member of Sparkpeople.com which has a plethora of information. I have also read most of the articles on that site. I am a member of Jillian Michael's website. She has many resources there. I listen to her podcasts and watch the BL for tips and information. Heck, I could almost be a health expert with all the knowledge I have about healthy living.

The second thing that people trying to lose weight need is fitness/exercise equipment. Well, ok, they don't need it, but it is nice to have available. I have more than my share of equipment. I have a membership to the MAC Express. Which means I can go to the gym, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They have cardio machines with individual TVs on each machine. They also have a weight machine circuit. I have been trained on all the machines, so I know how to use and what weights to use. Also, I have a small home gym going with all the equipment I have at home. I have 2 balance balls with DVDs. I have a set of 5 lb dumbbells, with a 2 and 3 lb set at my parents house to go get. I have 2 Jillian Michaels DVDs, a cardio striptease DVD and many other exercise DVDs. I even have a Nintendo Wii to work out with. I have Pilates bands, an exercise mat, resistance tubing, a pedometer, (actually a few of them), and tennis shoes. I even have a Gazelle to workout on. On Friday, I will have an aerobic step coming. Like I said, I have a small gym at home. It just isn't set up like a gym.

Another thing people need to be successful at losing weight is motivation and reasons for losing weight. I have many of those too. First and foremost, is my health. Or should I say my future health. Both of my parents have heart diesase. In fact, they had it before they were 45 years old. Next up, diabetes. My dad has diabetes. My mom is insulin resistant, which is the precursor to diabetes. Both my grandmas have it and have had severe complications from it. I don't ever want to start counting my aunts and uncles that have diabetes and are overweight. Another motivation for me is to get pregnant and have a very healthy pregnancy. (No, Josh and I are not trying now or will be in the near future.) I want to look cute as a pregnant woman also. If I got pregnant now, you wouldn't be able to tell. I would just look like I was getting fatter. Another motivation for me is to feel sexy for once in my life. To feel desirable to my husband for once. I also want to look good when I go out dancing with friends. I also have motivation to make my family proud, which has been a strong motivation for me in the past. I have many other reasons to get healthy such as: have more energy while teaching, have my students respect me more, look better naked, be bikini ready when we go back to Jamaica, live an active life with Josh and my (future) children, and to live to be old and spunky. I also just want to succeed just for me! To prove to myself I can do this! I can succeed!

Most people who want to lose weight have an ah-ha moment that sets them on this path to lose weight and get healthy. I have had many of those, too. My first one, I think, was when I went to the doctor for a physical last fall and weighed in over 200 lbs. That was a moment that I realized if I didn't change my ways I would end up just like my mom. Which don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but I don't want to deal with all the health problems she has. My second ah-ha moment came when I was out with friends dancing. There were mirrors on the walls and glanced a them while I was dancing. Oh my God! I couldn't believe how big I had let myself get. I decided I needed to slim down to look hot when out with my friends.

Another thing people need to help them lose weight is support. Whether that support comes from friends, family, online forums, or meetings. I have support. My husband is very supportive. He even is trying to lose weight sometimes. My parents are supportive. In fact they want me to lose weight so I don't have the health problems they are currently facing. I have a great friend, Tracy, who is very positive about weight loss and encourages me every time I see her. She, herself, just lost a lot of weight and looks phenomenal. Like I said before I am on Sparkpeople and Jillian's website. They both have great online forums with many people to support my weight loss goals. I usually read and post everyday for a while then fall off and don't post for a little while. We have even started a Biggest Loser competition here at work to support each other.

One final thing that a person trying to lose weight needs is accountability. They need to be held accountable for their actions and in actions. As I have been writing this I have begun to realize that this may be the one thing I truly do not have. Sure, Josh asks me if I have worked out today. Or Tracy asks me about my Gazelle. But if they do not constantly ask me about it, I don't consistently feel like I should be doing something, so I have something to tell them about or make them proud of me. (I thrive on praise and people being proud of me.) I have joined many challenges on Spark people and done my own reward systems, but they don't seem to work for me. Usually I lose interest or give myself the reward without earning it. I need to be held accountable. In some way I can't get away from. If they start to hold me accountable on Spark people, I just stop going to the website to avoid the embarrassment. If Josh starts holding me accountable I get upset and stop talking to him. Tracy doesn't push me enough to get mad at her. I have recently (like today) been thinking, maybe I need to post a bulletin on Myspace/Facebook to have all my "friends" help hold me accountable. With many people checking in on me, maybe I will be more apt to sticking with my program.

My plan is to eat between 1300-1700 calories, complete a Jillian Michael's routine and/or a cardio workout, and drink8 glasses of water everyday. I will also track my calories through Spark people. I will post to my blog a least 3 times a week about how I am doing and what I need to work on for the next week. Also the embarrassment of failing and everyone knowing will hopefully be enough to keep me from slipping after a few weeks.

Ok, that's enough for now.

Beatings and recovery!

Today has been a day of rest and recovery. I did a jog/walk yesterday around my neighborhood (which is a mile) and out to the forest (which is another mile). I got a ride home from the forest, but then I went up to the gym and did the weight machines. It felt so nice to say I have been consistent for 3 days now. I am so excited to continue my journey. This week is going to be hard however. We have prom next Saturday and I will probably be spending most weeknights out in Atkins setting up for it. I have made a deal with Josh that we will get up in the morning tomorrow and go work out before work. We will see how this goes. (Hopefully he doesn't read this before tomorrow morning.) I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

Beatings! Beatings! Beatings!

Ok, so I have only had one beating, but it sure was a beating. Tonight I went up to the gym and did weights and cardio. I completed each of the machines at the MAC twice doing 12 reps each time. Most of my weights were low compared to the other guys that were using the machines. But I sure felt it after I was done. I also decided to do 30 minutes on the elliptical. Right now I feel beat, but that is what a beating is all about. No pain, no gain right?

We worked on goal setting in my class today. (which I need to go back and revise the lesson plan I created for today. I need to include more about SMART goals and how to write them.) I took a leap of faith today and told my students about my personal goal to lose 15 lbs by the end of the school year. I also told them they can ask me about this goal when ever they wanted to. Maybe that will help me become accountable. I hold them accountable for their grades. They can hold me accountable for my weight loss. Mainly right now I am concerned with drinking my water and getting in my exercise (especially my weight training). I think weight training is going to do me the most good right now because muscle burns more calories while resting. If I have more muscle then I will burn more calories in general. Yeah for burning calories!

Well, since my last post I have gone through a slight bout with depression. I got upset that I haven't been motivated to do anything. I started singing the veggie Tales song "The Pirates who don't do Anything". That made me feel a little better. I also went for a walk with Josh. That was also fun. He even made me jog for a little while. I am hurting a little today, but overall I feel better. Tonight I am going to a friends house for pizza and a movie. I hope I can control my eating habits there. Depending on what time we get done, I may also hit the gym for a little jog on the treadmill. I'll check back in tomorrow and see how it is going. Byes!

Talk does not cook rice!

This last week I used this quote in my classroom. It had the students think of what it means to them. To me it means that things do not get done by just thinking/talking about them. This is exactly what I am doing with my weight loss. I am all talk and no action. That is probably why my weight hasn't changed since the beginning of the year. I haven't counted my calories. I haven't eaten well. I haven't exercised as much/often as I need. I am all talk and no cooking as the saying goes. I have all the knowledge to lose weight. I have the support from friends and family. I just can't get myself motivated or kicked in the butt get moving. I know I will have a lifetime of health problems if I don't get this under control now. I have everything I need. I have a gym membership; I have equipment for at home gym. I have many workout DVD's. I just don't seem to have the motivation to get off my butt and use all the resources I have.

This weekend I have also been thinking how this affects me as a teacher. How I am to expect my students to use their resources and abilities to learn when I can't use everything I have to lose weight. I have more than most people who have lost a great amount of weight, yet I am still not able to commit to myself. If anyone has any suggestions on how to get and keep my motivation going I am open to anything. I have done visuals, a reward system, a punishment system. I think I have tried every behavior management technique I would use in the classroom and yet I still not able to change my behavior.

I have this great plan to spend most of my summer in the gym. Hoping to lose the weight like the contestants on Biggest Loser, but I know I will not. Something will come up, I will decide not to go one day and it will just spiral downward and I will get no where.

When I think back to my childhood on what motivated me to accomplish my goals as a child, it was always the want to make my parents proud. Or for my parents attention. I have a sister and brother with special needs and they always took time and attention. I was always the perfect one who never got in trouble, always did what was expected. Now that I am married and on my own, my parents love and attention isn't as important as it was when I was younger. I get the attention I craved as a child from my husband. (not that I am complaining) .

I just don't seem to know what I need to do to kick start and continue my road to losing weight. I always seem to get motivated one day from some trigger (watching BL, listening to a Jillian podcast, seeing my friend Tracy- who is such a motivation to me, hearing a certain song). But then the next day I am back to making excuses to myself and everyone else. And then I am back on my cycle of not doing anything for a while, then getting motivated for a day or week, then back to excuses. I sometimes wish I could go on Biggest Loser so I would have something/someone counting on me to lose weight. I have tried challenges on Spark people and by about the 3rd or 4th week, I am done and checked out.

Ok, I think I am going to go try a Jillian DVD or hit the gym. I'll be back later tonight and tell you how it goes.

A breakthrough

The other night I had a break through in my life. In college and after college I have had trouble with my money. Mainly because I had a a good job a the start of college with no bills then went to bigger bills and less money. Anyways, back to my breakthrough. This month I am a little low on money. I went with a friend to Wal-mart to register for her baby registry. Afterwards, I was on my way back to Wal-mart to buy her present and a thing for myself even though I knew I had no money in my checking account. On the way there I realized I was falling back into my old habits of spending money I didn't have. Then I related that thought to my weight loss. I was falling back into my old habits of not working out and eating what ever is in sight. That night I went to the gym for an hour. A whole hour!!!! Even though it is getting later tonight, I am still considering going up to the gym before I go to bed. Or I will hit the gym tomorrow between family dinners. I am going to need it with all the food that people are planning to serve.

Well, last night I joined Jillian Michaels website. Yes, it does cost a little more than SparkPeople, but I thought maybe having other people who like Jillian as much as I respect her will help me. I also think that having Jillian there reminding when I start to think I am going to fall off the wagon.

On Jillian's website one of the message boards mentioned Jillian Michaels School of Fitness. I read a little more about it and decided this may be what I have been looking for. I know I have tried about a million different ideas of how I will keep myself motivated. This is one that I actually understand and makes a lot of since to me. It is not about counting stickers and all that jazz. It is all about grades. That is something I understand and strive for. I remember when I graduated from college I was so sad that I wasn't going to get a grade any more. Granted, these grades are going to be harder to earn than any other class I have taken.

Here is the curriculum - I am planning to participate in as much as I can.

Weekly Assignment: Listen to Jillian's weekly Podcast (I already listened to this week's podcast, and have many in reserve. I may even put them on my iPod to listen at the gym or on my drive to work.)

Daily Assignment: Today's Work Out (Everyday a new workout is listed on my start page.)

Extra Credit:
1. Research a topic in the Archive (still have to figure out where this is)
2. Do 30 - 40 minutes additional cardio (got this done today)

Study Group: Find a Buddy, Communicate & Post (have yet to find a buddy, there are a few people in Marion that I may try to join)

Math: BMI, Calorie Calculator, Caloric Percentages (didn't track calories, but recalulated my BMI (31.5) with my new height- apparently I shrank from the last time I was at the doctor.)

Extracurricular: Set a short term, Mid term & Long term goal and reward. Make it fun!

TEST: Friday weigh in! Let's see how much you really learned -


-3 to 5 pounds = A+
-2 pounds =A
-1 pounds = A-
-0 pounds = B (Review and Retest Next Week)
+1 pounds = C (Did you forget to study?)
+2 pounds = D (Did you cheat?)
+3 pounds = F (It's okay, but time to go back to basics)

Weekly Homework: The Biggest Loser Couples Episode

Show & Tell: Post some of your favorite tips, tricks, recipes, and successes! Tell something you have learned from Jillian, and about yourself this week.

Finally something I understand- GRADES!!!!!

My grade for today: C as of right now.
- got 20 mins of cardio in
-have not gotten my other workout in
-watched biggest loser
-listened to Jillian's podcast
-didn't track my calories
-have not set my various goals
-did recalculate my BMI

Frustrated!

Well, I weighed in again this morning and I am down 1 lb this week. Problem is I don't know what I did to cause it. I didn't track my calories, didn't exercise much this week. I ate out quite a bit. I know I am thinking more about healthier choices when out to eat, but I don't always make the better choices. I know I should be happy with a loss, but I am so frustrated because I don't know what to continue to continue the weight loss. Ok, enough whining. Maybe I need to take my measurements for some more encouragement. Back to trying to be consistent this week with exercise. I will exercise at least 5 times this week.

Quick thoughts

I was watching biggest loser tonight and in the show they bring in Jillian's mom. She is a therapist of some sort and people started talking about when the weight problems started and everything. Saturday I was at my parents and was looking though all my school pictures. I noticed that between my 6th and 7th grade photos is when I hit puberty and started putting on weight. I remember always having a problem with my boobs and how big they are. I also know that I have a serious problem with attention from males or I guess it is more unwanted attention from males that I am afraid of. I am now thinking that maybe I started to gain weight when I hit puberty and just didn't stop or try to stop it because I wanted something to cover my boobs or at least hide them from being noticed. We were also at a party on Saturday and someone noticed that my sister was "so developed". I wanted to scream "mine are bigger". When realistically they are, but one wouldn't be able to tell because of all the extra weight I have hiding them. They just blend in. Maybe this is why I am so self-sabataging of my weight loss and goals. I seem to be ok for a few weeks then fall off the wagon and only to start over again a few weeks later. Maybe the comments my sister gets (these weren't the first one about her big boobs) make me so afraid to lose weight and show off my body because I am afraid of the comments I will get.

I also am nervously awaiting my test results for my thyroid. I had my levels tested on Thursday and am waiting to see if I have hypothyroidism and maybe that is why I haven't lost the weight I think I should have. I have been really trying to lose weight since Oct. and have only lost 10 lbs. I know it is a slow process but it shouldn't be this slow. I have officially not lost any weight since the first of the year. I was down 3 lbs but am now back up those 3 lbs. Anyways, back to the show...will comment more later if something else strikes me.

Consistency

Consistency. I have experienced some consistency recently. I have eaten with in or just under my calories for 5 days. That's even including a weekend. I know it's a small accomplishment, but to me it is a great success. Josh and I also went up to the MAC and got trained on each of the weight lifting machine and what weights to use. It was a lot of fun and I can't wait to get started using them. So far Josh and I have decided to do our weightlifting on Tuesdays and Thursdays and cardio on the other days. I may also fit in another weight lifting session on Saturdays (when I am able).

I am going out of town this weekend. I really hope I can continue my streak for the rest of this week. Tomorrow is weigh in. We will see how it goes. I'll let you know tomorrow.

A little success

Well, it wasn't weigh in day but I jumped on the scale just to see. I am down 2 lbs. Now I just need to plan for this weekend so I don't screw it up. I didn't work out yet today, but I did clean the house since we had a snow day from school. It looks so much better now. I set another goal today. My goal is to get 11, 000 minutes of exercise this year. This evens out to about 30 minutes a day. Of course, so days I will do more and other days I probably won't do as much or any at all. I think I will definitely reach this goal.

My mom has recently joined me in my quest for weight loss. I called her today and she said just by not drinking pop and watching what she eats, she has lost 1.5 lbs already. That is amazing!!! I am so excited for her. I hope we can keep this up together.

Death

So I watched The Biggest Loser tonight instead of last night because I did 95 minutes of exercise. One comment in there stuck with me. One of the contestants was saying he couldn't go on because he was going to die. Jillian said "You need to die to be reborn." That quote has stuck with me and got me thinking. I think everyone does have to die to be reborn. Now I don't mean that they need to actually die, but they do need to mentally die so they can change their thinking. I am still working on dying. I have hit rock bottom. I have decided I needed to change. I have started my changing, but I have not fully died. I still struggle with always being hungry. (Or so I think I am) I still struggle with working out everyday. Yesterday I worked out a lot, but today I haven't done any exercise. I probably won't work out tonight; it is just too late. I will get back at it tomorrow. I have done good with my other goals tonight. I have stayed under my calories, and drank all my water. I even got my freggies in for today. Ok, off to bed. Good night!

Thanks!

I want to thank my husband for really helping me out today. After I had a breakdown about how he lost weight and I didn't and how it wasn't fair, he asked me about my cardio. He asked "when I am on the cardio machines, do I really break a sweat?" That got me thinking. I realized yes, I was there moving my legs, but really how much was I challenging myself. I did break a sweat when I was on the machines, but it wasn't a lot of sweat. So tonight when I was up at the MAC I decided to really challenge myself and see how hard I could push myself. I came out of there glowing like a pig. I probably looked like the contestants on BL look when they are working out. But after it was all said and done, I felt great. Sure we will see tomorrow if I can get out of bed or not. But today I feel good about what I did.

So in conclusion, I want to say, "Thanks honey!" Thank you for challenging me and beginning me thinking about how I really spend my time on the cardio machines.

Disappointment...

Well, this morning was my weigh in day. Josh weighed in first. He was bragging about his 4 pound weight loss. I thought ok, now it's my turn. Since I was almost really good this weekend, and he drank an entire 18 pk by himself, along with eating a bunch of crap, I felt really good about my weigh in. Until I got on the scale. It said 202. That's the same as last week. So after being pretty good this week I lost nothing. I am trying to not think of this as a bad thing, but how can I not get mad about this?

This week I have decided to kick it up a notch. I have already let Jillian kick my but with her video. I am planning on going to get some cardio in, and come back and watch BL. I will probably then finish my butt kicking by Jillian before I watch the show. Let you know how it goes.

OWWWWW!!!

So I started Jillian's workout yesterday and I only got through 3 of the 6 circuits. I am really feeling it today. Right now, I am contemplating whether to get up and do the back side workout or sit here on my back side. I put the DVD case sitting up so I could see Jillian staring at me as I type away on my computer. I will probably get up and do at least 3 of the 6 circuits. I also should go do some cardio at the MAC but it is really cold out there. If I decide to go get supper then I will go work out. If not, which means eat what I have here in the house (which isn't much) then I probably won't get my cardio in today. We'll see how I feel after Jillian kicks my butt again today.

Progress: I got 3 stickers yesterday. The competition between Josh and me is heating up. We are competing to see who can lose the biggest percentage of weight this year. I think I will kick his butt!!!! Actually I know I will kick his butt!!!!!

It's 2008!!!

Well the new year is here. Let the changes begin. Yeah I probably said that last year, but this year is different. I am very motivated to finally lose the weight I have been carrying around forever. Here is what I have done to prepare for my changes.

About 2 days ago Josh and I joined the MAC. Yeah, I had a membership to the Y before and we can all see how much that helped. But this is different. The closest Y is down town. The MAC is about 1 mile from my house. Which means I could walk there if I want. It is also open 24 hours. Which is awesome, I can use it when ever I want. I am really excited. I haven't gotten my door card to the 24 hour club yet but I should get that tomorrow.

I also got Jillian Michael's book and DVDs. I read the book this last week and it was amazing. She is so straight forward it is great. When I was working out the other day all I could picture was Jillian there asking me "What are my choices?" My choice is to get fit and healthy.

I plan to complete the front-side work out today before my Biggest Loser party. Plus I have to clean the house before everyone comes over. Well, I better get to it.

~Melissa